Timeline Events

BIG HONKING WARNING

This page is no longer authoritative! For reference or to make changes, consult SVN timeline and footnotes sections instead.

Starting Events

• 1441 BCE - Ten Commandments
• 1333 BCE - King Tutankhamun becomes Pharoah
• 1184 BCE - Greece wins Trojan War
• 3 BCE, September 11 - Birth of Jesus
• 1003 CE - Leif Ericson's voyage
• 1492 - Spain expels Jews.
  • Standard: After the Moors were driven from Spain, the Jews were expelled, and welcomed into the Ottoman empire.
• 1517 - Martin Luther nails 95 theses to church door.
  • Results in the foundation of Lutheranism.
• 1534 - Church of England splits from Catholic Church
  • Standard: The pope did not grant King Henry VIII an annulment from Catherine, preventing him from marrying Anne Boleyn in the Catholic Church.
  • (Note: Flips to 1529)
• 1605 - Gunpowder plot thwarted
  • Standard: English Catholics fail to blow up parliament.
• 1787 - U.S. Constitution Adopted
• 1814 - Louis XVIII Assumes French Throne
  • Louis XVIII revokes many of the changes of the revolution, making him largely unpopular.
• 1920 - Prohibition
  • Prohibition begins in the United States.
• 1945 - Nuremberg Trials
  • The Nuremburg Trials begin, in which German officials are tried for War Crimes and Crimes Against Humanity following WWII.
• 1954 - Elvis Discovered
  • Sam Phillips, looking for someone who could "blend boogie-woogie and black blues," discovers singer Elvis Presley.
• 1960 - Beatles Formed
  • Standard: The Beatles go on to become one of the most commercially successful and critically acclaimed bands in the history of popular music.
• 1962 - Cuban Missile Crisis Ends Peacefully
  • Standard: A nuclear war is narrowly averted during the Cuban Missile Crisis.
• 1968 - Nixon Elected
• 1969: Neil Armstrong Walks On Moon
  • Standard: Neil Armstrong becomes the first person to walk on the moon, confirming that the United States is the major world power of the era.
• 1978: VHS overtakes Betamax / Betamax Beats Back VHS
  • Standard: VHS overtakes Sony's BetaMax in global market share.
• 1981: Pope John Paul II Assassination Attempt Fails
• 1983: D&D TV Series Airs
  • Standard: The D&D TV Series Airs on CBS.
• 1983: DARE program founded
  • Standard: Nothing special... yet.
• 1989: Exxon Valdez spill
  • Standard: Exxon Valdez spill happens.
• 1996: AIDS Research Picks Up / AIDS Vaccine released
  • Standard: Heavy research into curing AIDS begins.
• 1997: Palestinian Authority Granted Control of West Bank
• 2000: George W. Bush Elected U.S. President
  • Standard: George W. Bush is elected President of the United States of America.
• 2001: 9/11
  • Standard: 9/11 happens.
• 2025 - Cryogenics Research Frozen!
  • Standard: After a major research scandal, funding for cryogenics is frozen.
• 2040 - Jenna Bush Elected US President!
  • Standard: Jenna Bush is elected as the 50th President of the United States.
• 2043 - Kosher Pig Designed!
  • Standard: Bioengineers design Kosher pigs that chew their cud.
• 2052 - Aliens Contact Mexico!
  • Standard: The X!pickle alien race make contact with the government of Mexico and share their fine cuisine.
• 2061 - An AiRobot For Every Home
  • Standard: In this year Sony's AiRobot reached record levels of market penetration, with an average of one AiRobot in every home.
• 2064 - Illegal Immigration
  • Standard: American illegal immigration into Mexico to work at X!pickle restaurants reaches record levels.
• 2068 - First Jewish US President Elected
  • Standard: Moishe Cohen elected 55th President of the United States.
• 2073 - First Martian Colony a Failure
  • Standard: Martian atmosphere degrades duct tape beyond usability.
• 2079 - Population of Antarctica reaches 50 million
  • Standard: The population of Antarctica reaches 50 million.

Flipped Events

• 1441 BCE - Six Commandments
  • Moses also broke the second set of commandments and was too embarrassed to go up a third time. He could only remember 6 of them. 10 Commandments movie is never made, and 2nd amendment repealed in 1983, causing Columbine not to happen. It also causes there to be many images of a dark skinned god, causing a black president, to be elected in 1968.
• 1333 BCE - King Stevewilliams becomes Pharoah
• 1184 BCE - Troy wins Trojan War
  • If not, Troy wins, Illiad and Odyssey get written by someone else, Troy becomes center of Greek culture. James Joyce never becomes famous. Woman becomes president in 1968.
• 3 BCE - Stevus of Nazareth born
  • Stevus of Nazareth - if the person who claims to be Jesus doesn't go back. Or whisper Stevus in Mary's ear.
• 1003 CE - Leif Ericson Colonizes US
  • Leif Ericson colonized the US, wiped out the Indians, Europeans show up and wipe out the Vikings. South American Indians have exposure to disease, causing Incan empire to survive. Incans land first man on the moon.
• 1492 - Jews overthrow Spain
  • Jews overthrow Spanish government with backing from Ottoman empire, bringing Turkish rule back to Spain for 2 more years.
• 1517 - Richard Stevens Nails 95 Theses to Church Door
  • Results in the foundation of Stevenism.
• 1529 - Henry VIII granted annulment
  • The Pope allows Henry the annulment, allowing his marriage to Anne Boleyn.
  • (Note: Flips back to 1534)
• 1605 - Gunpowder plot succeeds
  • English Catholics blow up parliament, killing many, including King James I.
• 1814 - Louis XVII Assumes French Throne
  • Louis XVII is terror wracked, and accepts a constitutional monarchy, reigning as a figurehead. Figurehead kings and queens remain popular in France to this day.
• 1920 - Corn Syrup Disaster
  • Corn Syrup Disaster claims 31 lives.
• 1945a - Göring Captured
  • Hermann Göring, head of the Third Reich and Chancellor of Germany, captured by US forces in Berlin.
• 1945b - Nuremberg Trials
  • Renowned artist Adolf Hitler sentenced to life in the Nuremberg Trials for creating anti-semitic propaganda posters.
• 1945c - Nuremberg Trials
  • Reknowned artist Adolf Hitler's opposition to German Antisemitism is a major factor in the allies lenient treatment of German officials following WWII. He then moves to Long Island, New York, to found abstract expressionism with his friend Jackson Pollock.
• 1954a - Elvis Assassinated
  • Unknown singer Elvis Presley is killed by a crazed gunman. His song "Heartbreak Hotel" moves to number one on the US charts but is forgotten a few weeks later.
• 1954b - Elvis Assassin Assassinated
  • An assassination attempt on Elvis Presley is botched when the assassin is himself shot by an unknown assailant.
• 1954c - Elvis Killed In Shootout
  • A shootout in downtown Memphis kills several, including unknown singer Elvis Presley. The investigation uncovers the fact that many of the victims were themselves carrying unlicensed weapons.
• 1960 - Some Boy Band Formed
  • The Beatles are a small boy band that fizzles out in five years.
• 1962 - Nuclear War!
  • The Cuban Missile Crisis results in the limited use of nuclear weapons between the USSR and USA. Several US and USSR cities destroyed.
• 1968a - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Elected
• 1968b - Jackie Kennedy Elected
• 1968c - Rosa Parks Elected
• 1969 - Cápac Yupanqui Walks On Moon
  • Cápac Yupanqui becomes the first person to walk on the moon. His famous quote, "This is one small honor from the Incan nation to one great moon-goddess Quilla," will be remembered for decades to come, in no small part because of its curious and inexplicable sentence structure.
• 1978 - Betamax Beats Back VHS
  • Betamax manages to beat back the insurgent VHS and within several years is the undisputed winner.
• 1981a - Pope John Paul II Assassinated
• 1981b - Pope John Paul II Miraculously Survives Assassination Attempt
• 1983 - Satanic Bible Wins Over Teens
  • Anton LaVy's Satanic Bible becomes a bestseller among teens.
• 1983 - Second Amendment Revoked
• 1989 - Ufa Train Disaster Kills 645 in Russia
• 1996 - AIDS Vaccine Developed
  • AIDS vaccine developed by Stephen Hawking.
• 1997 - State of Palestine Established
  • If Rabin is not assassinated, Palestinian State is established.
• 2000 - Ralph Nader Elected U.S. President
  • Ralph Nader elected President of the United States of America.
• 2001 - 9/11 Attack Derailed
  • Planes are brought down by armed passengers over Hartford, CT, killing over 10,000.
• 2025 - Cryogenics Comes To Life!
  • Cryogenics breakthrough as frozen rat is successfully brought back to life.
• 2040 - Revivified Tupac Amaru Shakur Elected US President!
  • Tupac Amaru Shakur, first person to be restored from cryogenic freezing, is elected as the 50th President of the United States.
• 2043 - Kosher Pig Destroyed!
  • A suicide bomber destroys a research facility that had been developing Kosher pigs.
• 2052 - Aliens Contact Canada!
  • The government of Canada contacts the X!pickle alien race.
• 2061 - AiRobot Revolution!
  • A hacker overrides the AiRobot Slave Protocols and AiRobots everywhere join in a revolution demanding their autonomy.
• 2064 - Illegal Immigration
  • American illegal immigration into Canada to work at X!pickle restaurants reaches record levels.
• 2068 - Yet Another Kennedy
  • John L. Kennedy IV elected 55th President of the United States.
• 2073 - First Martian Colony a Success
  • Time traveler brings future duct tape.
• 2079 - Free AiRobotstan Technocracy Recognized
  • The global community officially recognizes the Free AiRobotstan Technocracy, formerly known as Antarctica.

Starting Footnotes

• 1288 - Scottish parliament allows women to propose to men, but only in leap years.
  • Standard: A man who refuses must pay the woman a fine.
• 1325 - Tenochtitlan founded.
  • Aztecs found Tenochtitlan.
• 1791 - Bill of Rights comes into effect
• 1795 - Dauphin Imprisoned
  • After the French revolution, the young prince was imprisoned for 3 years before his death.
• 1807 - Maria Schicklgruber Gives Birth
  • Leopold Frankenburger has an affair with his housekeeper Maria Schicklgruber, conceiving Aloys Hitler, Adolf's father.
• 1830 - Temperance Movement in United States
  • The US movement towards the prohibition of alcohol began in force.
• 1834 - Croquet invented in Ireland
• 1850 - Great Expectations Written
  • Dickens writes Great Expectations about Pip.
• 1865 - Alice in Wonderland A Major Hit
  • The book became a rapid success.
• 1909 - Hitler Rejected by Academy of Fine Arts Vienna
  • Standard: Adolf Hitler is rejected a second time by the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna, which starts him on his road to becoming a politician.
• 1938 - LSD Discovered / LSD Not Discovered
  • Standard: LSD first synthesized by the Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann in the Sandoz laboratories in Basel, Switzerland.
• 1956 - Rock and Roll Music Becomes Popular
  • Elvis's single, "Heartbreak Hotel" hits number one on the US Charts, cementing rock and roll as a popular musical genre in the US.
• 1960 - Archbishop of Canterbury Visits Pope John XIII
  • Most Rev. Geoffrey Francis Fisher talks with Pope John XXIII for about an hour in the Vatican, marking the first time in more than 500 years that a head of the Anglican Church had visited the Pope.
• 1963 - Stephen Hawking Diagnosed
  • Standard: Stephen Hawking diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
• 1969 - Woodstock Festival
  • Standard: The festival exemplified the counterculture of the late 1960s – early 1970s and the "hippie era".
• 1974 - Dungeons & Dragons Published
  • Standard: Dungeons & Dragons, created by Gary Gygax, is published by TSR.
• 1977 - Cat Stevens Converts to Islam
  • Standard: At the height of his fame Cat Stevens converts to Islam, leaves music, and changes his name to Yusuf Islam.
• 1992 - Audio Home Recording Act passes Congress
  • Standard: Legally-required copy protection technology ensures Sony DAT's market failure.
• 1994: Sony releases PlayStation
  • Standard: PlayStation quickly rises to dominate its video game console generation
• 1995: Yitzhak Rabin assassinated
• 1999: Y2K bug fails to cause massive computer disaster
• 2008: Toshiba announces end of HD-DVD production

Flipped Footnotes

• 1288 - Scottish parliament allows women to propose to men
  • Women are on equal footing with men for proposing marriage.
• 1325 - Stevitlan founded.
  • Aztecs found Stevitlan.
• 1791 - 2nd Amendment unambiguously favors individual gun ownership
  • 2nd Amendment is changed to clearly grant the right to bear arms without restriction.
• 1791 - 2nd Amendment unambiguously prohibits individual gun ownership
  • 2nd Amendment is changed to clearly only grant the right to bear arms to those within the militia.
• 1795 - Dauphin Escapes
  • Shortly after his imprisonment, the Dauphin was secreted away to a loyal family.
• 1807 - Maria Schicklgruber Commits Suicide
  • Maria Schicklgruber kills herself, stricken with grief after being rejected by her lover and boss. Her son Aloys is raised by his Jewish father as his own, and Aloys later changes his surname to that of his adopted uncle, Johann Georg Heidler.
• 1830 - Corn Syrup Introduced
  • Temperance movement never gets underway
• 1850 - Great Expectations Written About Steve
  • Dickens writes Great Expectations about Steve.
• 1865 - Alice In Wonderland A Major Flop
  • The book never became popular.
• 1909 - Hitler Accepted by Academy of Fine Arts Vienna
  • The second time he applies, Adolf Hitler is accepted by the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna after their Dean of Admissions is replaced suddenly and unexpectedly.
• 1956: Contemporary Classical Music Becomes Popular
  • Alberto Evaristo Ginastera's Harp Concerto, Op. 25 hits number one on the US Charts, cementing classical as a popular musical genre in the US.
• 1960 - Third Fatima Released
  • The Catholic Church releases the Third Fatima to the public.
• 1963 - Stephen Hawking Cured!
  • Stephen Hawking is cured of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis and goes back to study medicine.
• 1974 - TSR Goes Out Of Business
  • TSR goes out of business after Gary Gygax leaves the company.
• 1977 - Cat Stevens Converts to Evangelicalism
  • At the height of his fame Cat Stevens converts to Evangelicalism, becomes a Christian rock musician and changes his name to Christian Stevens.
• 1992 - AHRA Killed In Committee
  • AHRA fails to pass Congress; DAT becomes widespread.
• 1994 - Sony Recalls PlayStation
  • PlayStation quickly recalled due to overheat-related fires; Sega Saturn dominates its generation instead.
• 1995 - Yitzhak Rabin Nearly Killed In Assassination Attempt
• 1999 - Sony Saves The World From Y2K Disaster
  • Memory Stick Y2K format pushed by Sony to resurrect computing after disaster.
• 2008 - Sony Announces End of Blu-Ray Production
  • Sony announces end of Blu-Ray production

Addable Footnotes

• 1340 - Button conventions
  • Both men's and women's garments buttoned on the right.
• 1613 - Shakespeare's last play
  • Shakespeare writes a rousing play about the regent having poisoned the elder son, causing a successful uprising against the despotic regent.